When last we talked, I told you about the decision to "take the bull by the horns", take control of the classroom and the rest of the issues instead of letting life run me. Right?
I did that Monday. I patrolled the classroom regularly, demanded focus from the students who hadn't been, and taught the way I knew I needed to teach.
And I'm still paying for it physically two days later. I simply can't handle doing that any more. It's what needs to be done, but this myopathy I've been burdened with will not allow it.
So - now what? I don't know.
The combination of battle strikes against me has me down and against the proverbial wall. Dana came over tonight and I was too depressed to be much company. That seemed to be okay with her for tonight, but I feel like I'm going to have to choose between her and my children - I lost my oldest son when I married Melissa, and he's never returned. That precedent scares me too much to not seriously consider the possibilities when my four with me now rebel so vehemently when I suggest marrying again. And the report I've got to give to the School Board for this month is going to contain a rather scathing assessment of the system, and a frank evaluation of my own role within it.
Is it possible that God is trying to help me sever my ties to this world so that I can serve Him, and Him alone?
I would trust Him to keep me afloat - He's done that already when finances got tight, several times. Perhaps by shutting off the avenue to either my children or my girlfriend (or both?) and the avenue to teaching in a secular classroom, God is telling me that time's getting short, and here in the last days I need to fully devote myself to Him and only Him.
The battle has already been won. I need to keep reminding myself of that. Romans 8:28-39 tells me that.
28And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. 29For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.
We are already glorified.
31What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also with him graciously give us all things? 33Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. 34Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?
What human threat can possibly overcome God? Whatever threatens us, the only parts that reach us are the ones God allows to reach us, because they will benefit us in the end.
37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. 38For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Bookmark Romans 8 in your Bible for times like mine. You and I are already on the winning side. No matter what we face in the world today, it's not so much that it will be overcome but that it has already been overcome!
So, what do I do about my distresses? I trust God, and pray, and stay faithful to Him. The rest will take care of itself. As the answers become obvious, I'll implement them with the help of the Holy Spirit, and keep moving in whatever direction He provides me.
God bless you, friends. I pray that you know God the way I do - if you have any doubts, pray a prayer of salvation, and contact me in the comments if you don't know how to do that. I'd be glad to help you through those first steps.
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