"Why doesn't God listen to my prayers?"

"Dear Act II Ministries:
       I am an imaginary reader of your blog. Long-time reader, first-time writer. I'd like to know why it is that God never seems to answer my prayers! I mean, I pray to Him, like all the time, y'know? But my life never seems to change!
       Sincerely, non-existent reader made up for the purposes of this entry."

Well, NER, I've taken the liberty of looking at your personal history by spying on you through your microwave, and I think I can answer your question.

You see, your title question is flawed, although your question within the body of your text is more accurate. I feel very confident that God DOES "listen" to your prayers, because God sees and hears everything that goes on in the world. God may not ANSWER your prayers, and there's a very specific set of reasons for that, if I may be so bold. Some of those reasons may apply to other readers out there, too, so let me ask them to consider these possibilities if they too think that God is not answering their prayers:

1) You're not a child of God. God the Father graciously gives His children all that He can give; however, if you are not His child, He is under no obligation. If you never made a pledge of loyalty to God the Father along the lines of Romans 10-9, where you've pledged to say with your mouth and believe in your heart that Jesus is Lord of both the Universe and your life, you are not God's Child. I've seen that bumper sticker on your VW Bug, NER, the one that says - "We are ALL God's Children! Co-EXIST!", and, well, I hate to break it to you, but that's simply not true. God has to adopt you into His Family for you to become His Child, and at the very least, you have to want to be in His Family and say so. That's kind of a minimum requirement.

2) You're not a member of God's Kingdom. You see, in order to live in a Kingdom, you must by definition obey the King. If you are living a life where you aren't obedient to His Rules, His Law, it's pretty, um, ballsy of you to claim that He needs to answer your demands when you won't obey any of His - and He's the KING, you know?

3) You're praying for things for YOU and not anything having to do with HIM. Prayer is a two way street, NER. You can't just ask the "genie in the sky" to give you things. God is NOT Santa Claus. He is also neither the genie from Aladdin, nor is He your personal ATM. You are more at His beck-and-call than the other way 'round. "THY Kingdom come, THY Will be done..." Sound familiar? "For thine is the Kingdom and the Power and the Glory, forever and ever." And what do we "wish for" in what is laughingly called the "Lord's Prayer"? Our daily bread, and to have our trespasses forgiven, and not to be led into evil. NOT for a "hot car to replace this broken-down POC". NOT for a million dollars. NOT for "the babe you've been hitting on for six months to dump her boyfriend and throw herself into your arms." Do you know why she's not going to do that? Because her boyfriend actually goes to church, and actually has a job instead of just wishing upon a genie for a million dollars. Get the picture?

4) You are not living a life of (attempted) purity. Nobody's perfect, NER. I get that. But you're not even trying to live by His Law. The last time you stepped inside a church was to try to hit on that "hot babe" six months ago, when she shot you down by telling you she was seeing the guy she's with now. The last time you actually opened a Bible was to squish a spider in it that was crawling on your bookshelf. Can you even name the gospels? I'll give you a three-writer head start: Matthew, John, Paul, and....? No? Well, it was a trick question - Paul didn't write a gospel, although he did write about half of the New Testament through his epistles. No, the other two are Mark and Luke, NOT George and Ringo. 

Seriously, NER, you don't expect to get a God you don't even know to answer you, do you? How about this: why don't you try giving yourself to Christ, and then going to church every Sunday (not just the ones when you're not hungover - THERE'S another topic...), learning how to pray for real, and start trying to follow His rules. Start with this one: Love and treat everyone else the way you love and treat yourself. If you can accomplish that, if you can reach that frame of mind, you might find that God may just listen to you a little more closely.