6.
Dealing
With Bullies
What do you do
when bullies pick on your little boy?
Of all the Hebrew people, out of all
the descendants of Israel, Moses was the most beloved by God. So when Mirian
and Aaron started “picking” on him, saying “Has
the Lord indeed spoken only through Moses? Has he not spoken through us,
also?” (Numbers 12:2), how does Moses react? And how does the Lord
react?
In truth, their jealousy was born out
of something more than a lack of recognition: Moses “had married a Cushite
(Ethiopian) woman” (12:1), presumably of (significantly) darker skin
than the three of them (and presumably after the death of his first Midianite
wife), and therefore a target, a bait for discrimination.
But when Mama Bear’s around, you don’t
go messing with the cubs. And when “Mama Bear” is God, Mama Bear’s always around…
“And
the Lord heard it.
“And suddenly the Lord said to Moses and to Aaron and
Miriam, ‘Come out, you three, to the
tent of meeting.’
(Numbers 12:4)”
[Translation – “Hey, bully! Come here onto
My front porch and say that in front of Papa!”]
“‘Hear My Words: If there were prophets
among you, I the Lord would reveal Myself in visions; I would speak to them in
dreams. But not with My servant Moses. Of all My house, he
is the one I trust. I speak to him face to face, clearly, and not in
riddles. He sees the Lord as He is.”
“So why were you not afraid to
criticize My servant Moses?” (12:6-9)
[Translation – “Let Me tell you
something, you little punks. If I wanted to talk to you two I would.
You’ve noticed that I haven’t, right? Can you put two and two together
and figure out what that means?”]
“When the cloud was removed from over the tent, behold, Miriam
was leprous.” (v. 10a)
[That’ll teach you to mess with God’s
chosen one!]
And listen to God’s explanation:
“If her Father had but spit in her face,
should she not be shamed seven days? Let her be shut outside the camp
seven days, and after that she may be brought in again.” (v. 14)
[Translation – “Hey, if that’s the WORST
she gets out of this blasphemy, be thankful!]
The moral of the story, parents? This
is one that’s easy to live by:
“I can mess with my kids, I can punish them
when they need it… but you had darned well better keep your hands OFF!”
But, what if it’s YOU that’s being bullied?
What if it’s
not someone picking on your child that you have the adult-over-kid power on,
but rather someone you work with, or a neighbor you have to deal
with, or maybe even a family member? What then, Lord?
In that case,
ladies and gentlemen, I direct your attention to the book of Nehemiah, starting at the end of the
second chapter. In Nehemiah 2:17-20, Nehemiah introduces the project,
and the three bullies introduce themselves;
Nehemiah provides them the appropriate, all-purpose response – here’s what we’re going to do, and it’s
none of your business:
17
Then
I said to them, “You see the trouble we are in, how Jerusalem lies in ruins
with its gates burned. Come, let us build the wall of Jerusalem, that we may no
longer suffer derision.”
18
And
I told them of the hand of my God that had been upon me for good, and also of
the words that the king had spoken to me. And they said, “Let us rise up and
build.” So they strengthened their hands for the good work.
19
But
when Sanballat the Horonite and Tobiah the Ammonite servant and Geshem the Arab heard of it, they
jeered at us and despised us and said, “What
is this thing that you are doing? Are you rebelling against the king?”
20 Then I replied to
them, “The God of heaven will make us prosper, and we his servants will
arise and build, but you have no portion or right or claim in Jerusalem.”
Sanballat and Tobiah and Geshem, of
course, were not deterred by this rebuttal, and when they discovered bully
method #1 (direct belittling)
wasn’t working, they went to method #2: enlist
assistance. This is Neh. 4:1-3:
1 Now when Sanballat heard that we were
building the wall, he was angry and greatly enraged, and he jeered at the Jews.
2
And
he said in the presence of his brothers and of the army of Samaria, “What are these feeble Jews doing? Will they
restore it for themselves? Will
they sacrifice? Will they finish up in a day? Will they revive the stones out
of the heaps of rubbish, and burned ones at that?”
3
Tobiah
the Ammonite was beside him, and he said, “Yes,
what they are building—if a fox goes up on it he will break down their stone
wall!”
Once the outer wall was basically
built, however, and the enlisted jeerers were proven ineffective, it fell to
the bullies to fall back onto that time-honored staple, method #3: threatening physical violence (Neh
4:7-8):
7 But when Sanballat and Tobiah and the
Arabs and the Ammonites and the Ashdodites heard that the repairing of the
walls of Jerusalem was going forward and that the breaches were beginning to be
closed, they were very angry.
Now, the Hebrews under Nehemiah’s
care had to deal with this threat as if the bullies meant it. Nehemiah did the two things that God
demands of us whenever we have an issue that we need His help with: we pray to Him for His infinite might
to assist us, and we use our own resources which He has given us for
this very reason to defend ourselves.
Read what follows immediately
after Sanballat and Tobiah’s threats against the rapidly increasing walls of
Jerusalem, in Nehemiah 4:9-15:
10 In Judah
it was said, “The strength of those who bear the burdens is failing. There is
too much rubble. By ourselves we will not be able to rebuild the wall.”
11 And
our enemies said, “They will not know or see till we come among them and kill
them and stop the work.”
12 At
that time the Jews who lived near them came from all directions and said to us
ten times, “You must return to us.”
[With all this against them, Nehemiah lays out his
plan. First, do what they can do; then, pray for additional assistance.]
13 So in
the lowest parts of the space behind the wall, in open places, I stationed the people by their clans, with
their swords, their spears, and their bows.
14 And I
looked and arose and said to the nobles and to the officials and to the rest of
the people, “Do not be afraid of them.
Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your
sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes.”
15 When
our enemies heard that it was known to us and that God had frustrated their
plan, we all returned to the wall,
each to his work.
They took turns, some working, some
on guard duty, and in this way they continued their work unimpeded. The bullies
knew they were running out of options to stop the Hebrews from continuing the rebuild.
So they moved on to method #4, which not all bullies are up to: subterfuge. This is Nehemiah
6: 1-14:
1 Now when Sanballat and Tobiah and Geshem the Arab and
the rest of our enemies heard that I had built the wall and that there was no
breach left in it (although up to that time I had not set up the doors in the
gates), 2 Sanballat
and Geshem sent to me, saying, “Come and let us meet together at Hakkephirim
in the plain of Ono.” But they
intended to do me harm.
3 And I
sent messengers to them, saying, “I am doing a great work and I cannot come
down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and come down to you?”
5 In the
same way Sanballat for the fifth time sent his servant to me with an open
letter in his hand. 6 In it
was written, “It is reported among the nations, and Geshem
also says it, that you and the Jews intend to rebel; that
is why you are building the wall. And according to these reports you wish to
become their king. 7 And you
have also set up prophets to proclaim concerning you in Jerusalem, ‘There is a
king in Judah.’ And now the king will hear of these reports. So now come and
let us take counsel together.”
8 Then I
sent to him, saying, “No such things as you say have been done, for you are
inventing them out of your own mind.” 9 For they
all wanted to frighten us, thinking, “Their hands will drop from the work, and
it will not be done.” But now, O God, strengthen my hands.
10 Now when
I went into the house of Shemaiah the son of Delaiah, son of Mehetabel, who was
confined to his home, he said, “Let us meet together in the house of God,
within the temple. Let us close the doors of the temple, for they are coming to
kill you. They are coming to kill you by night.”
11 But I
said, “Should such a man as I run away? And what man such as I could go into
the temple and live? I will not
go in.”
12 And I
understood and saw that God had not sent him, but he had pronounced the
prophecy against me because Tobiah and Sanballat had hired him. 13 For
this purpose he was hired, that I should be afraid and act in this way and sin, and so they could give me a bad name in order to
taunt me.
14 Remember Tobiah and Sanballat, O my God, according to
these things that they did, and also the prophetess Noadiah and the rest of the
prophets who wanted to make me afraid.
Let’s go through the above
verses and look at Nehemiah’s picture-perfect responses. In v. 1-2,
the bullies suggest a “peace meeting”, which Nehemiah sees through in v. 3.
They try four more times, and
in the fifth letter, the subterfuge gets more intricate, as Sanballat tries to
imply all sorts of possible threats, including spreading falsehoods about the
intent of the Hebrews for their walled fortress of a city. Nehemiah correctly
calls “baloney” on this. (Or “bologna”,
which was how it was spelled when I was growing up. Take your pick.)
Verses 10-11 require a bit of
explanation to understand: Shemaiah plays the part of loyal friend, fearful for
Nehemiah’s life, and makes a suggestion that on the surface seems reasonable: “Let us meet together within the
temple…close the doors of the temple, for they are coming to kill you by
night.” The problem is that only
priests are allowed inside the temple in the manner suggested –
Shemaiah is suggesting that (in the name
of self-defense) Nehemiah commit a capital offense!
Fortunately,
he sees through that panicky maneuver, and then does what he always does (and
should always do) in times of crisis or not: pray. “Remember Tobiah
and Sanballat, O my God, according to these things that they did, and also the
prophetess and the rest of the prophets who want to make me afraid.”
Punish
the wicked, O God. It seems as though half of David’s psalms say that. And
the Psalms also remind us that we must
have faith that God indeed does just that, after death if not before.
But the important element of this prayer is as follows: Nehemiah never takes it upon
himself to try to punish the bullies. He assumes they will somehow be punished by God for their sins,
and leaves it at that.
So,
let’s review. Bullies use belittling (but
with the Lord of Lords behind you, nothing about you is little!); they
try to enlist assistance against you
(Romans 8:31 - “If God
is for us, who can be against us?”); they use threats of physical violence (at which point you pray, and
you use whatever preventative means you can in advance); and sometimes
resort to subterfuge (stick with the
Lord’s path, including honest speech and taking the high road, and nothing they
do will hurt you more than it hurts them).
God
is in charge of everything. The evil will reap what they sew. And so
will you – which when walking in God’s path is a good thing.
