Thursday, I wrote about my frustration with my current job assignment, which is running a detention facility...excuse me, an alternative school for our school district. The mistake is Freudian, of course, because my frustration involves the students which are being sent our direction. "Students" may be a misnomer, because the majority, perhaps slightly less, don't actually care whether or not they learn, graduate, or anything else academic, which makes them not only unteachable but a distraction at best and a hazard at worst to the remainder of the students who are actually trying to accomplish something.
In the meantime, God addressed the frustrations I feel.
He put my sins in front of me to be addressed: In my frustration, I've pulled back from the students, moved into working on other projects unless a student is actively seeking my assistance, which of course this type of student rarely does. In my frustration, I've stopped assuming the best about my students, and started assuming the worst. In my frustration, I've let my dominant emotional state become the one that I function the poorest in: Anger.
Therefore, I have work to do.
One of the things I learned a long time ago that I've apparently forgotten in dealing with this is the following truism: It's amazing how much you can change your own behavior, and how little you can change anyone else's behavior. I can whine about the students they're sending me all I want, but if I want anything to change, I need to start by changing MYSELF first.
So, rather than quit, I've been guided by the Lord to try some other methods to deal with the problem I've been having with the situation (NOT the situation itself! Notice the difference!). One thing I'll need to do is get off my butt more often and move around the classroom more, even though it will tax my health more (with the twins gone this week to their mom's house, I hope to have more strength this coming week to work with). Another method that I think will help is to expand the organizer system I use to make sure I'm not stressed by the lack of things I get accomplished in a day or week or whatever. It's inspired by the "bullet organizers" that I've seen brought to my attention over the last couple of days (gee, I wonder Who brought those to my attention?) except that I'm going to use a binder and make it more flexible and applicable to my situation.
God has also pushed me on other fronts - He has challenged my perception of certain things within my personal life, and is forcing me to step up and deal with them in ways that make me uncomfortable.
But I thought God was supposed to be there to HELP me.
He is. The issue is how He helps you. Romans 8:28 reminds us that He can make ANYTHING work for the betterment of those who love Him. But more appropriate might be Zechariah 13, verses 8 and 9:
8In the whole land, declares the LORD,
two thirds shall be cut off and perish,
and one third shall be left alive.
9And I will put this third into the fire,
and refine them as one refines silver,
and test them as gold is tested.
They will call upon my name,
and I will answer them.
I will say, ‘They are my people’;
and they will say, ‘The LORD is my God.’”
Like all Christians, I am being refined by fire. These are my trials by fire. I've been battling my myopathy for seven years now, and its symptoms were my first refinement from God. There have been other tests from above as well, not that all or even most "bad" things that happen to us are tests from God. When you come to Christ, you aren't freed from your earthly troubles: you're guaranteed freedom from troubles when you DIE, of course, but on earth, accepting Christ puts a big target on your back. Now, you're a threat to the Devil.
And it doesn't get better as you advance in the faith. As Richard Ellis points out, Moses was perhaps the man who walked most closely with God, more closely than any man since Adam. Yet he was punished by not being allowed into the Promised Land with the people he led into Israel. Why? He hit a rock twice instead of once. Not exactly the reason, but that's about it. He disobeyed God, however trivially, but the margin for error becomes so small as you move up the Lord's 'ladder' that punishments and tests come fast, furious, and sometimes fatal. Mind you, he didn't lose his salvation, and Moses was still the Man (along with Elijah) God trusted at the Transfiguration and (will trust) as one of the Two Witnesses during Revelation. And failing these 'tests' does not remove your salvation. But you won't GROW in His Grace without going through that fire.
I will learn through these tests, and I hope to grow through His teaching. He has been faithful to me, and I will continue to try to be faithful to Him. There are so many opportunities being presented - I cannot help but be thankful to God for believing in my potential for growth. None of these tests will be pleasant. I will need to step out of my comfort zone, something I have not done very much of recently. And I will need to be willing to upset people if it comes down to it, as long as I do so "Biblically", if you know what I mean.
And I need to be willing to do what He demands that I do. Because His parental punishments are not what I want in my life. (Especially this close to the End Times!)
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